Battlestar Galactica: The Plan

Directed by Edward James Olmos. Written by Jane Espenson. Starring the cast of Battlestar Galactica. I am not typing all of their names.

David Eick Productions - 2009

Two Stars of Review! **

The entirety of “Battlestar Galactica: The Plan” can be summed up in a single shot. There is a moment where we are following two characters as they pass through a unisex bathroom. Suddenly the camera cuts to a lingering side shot of a woman's tits then tilts down bringing a man's penis into the frame. In other words the whole thing is pointless.

When I write a review for anything the tone and length of the piece are inspired by what it is I am reviewing. There is no particular formula or template. You could say I just feel my way through it, and as inspiration dictates I will be wasting as few words on this as possible. We'll start by getting some facts out of the way. We're all fans and we know why we're here.

What you want to know.

1) No, this is not good. Did you like Razor? I didn't, and this is worse than Razor.

2) Yes there is a ton of nudity, but it's all extras and all in the background. Sorry fan boys.

3) What few facts that do come to light are neither relevant or interesting.

What you need to know.

1) Edward James Olmos might be an idiot.

2) Nothing else!

So if that's what you wanted to know you can quit reading. I realize this probably won't stop you from watching “The Plan,” any more than it would had I been the one reading it instead of writing it. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

For every one else the plot concerns two groups of Cylons – one group in the colonial fleet and the other back on Caprica with the rebels – as they plot to kill the remainder of humanity and ultimately fail. All of this is conveyed through a 60/40 mixture of new footage and clips from the first two seasons.

There's lots of big budget special effects in the new material, but it mostly falls flat due to a lack of flair in the cinematography department. As I mentioned there is tons of T&A. Edward Olmos likes the ladies, and he gets their naughty parts all up in the camera every chance he gets. There's even a full on Cinemax style sex scene.

Summing up, at 112 and minutes it's way too long, it barely skirts coherency, if you have not followed the series up to this point you will have no idea what is going on, and, not to put too fine a point on it, it's just plain tedious. I had lost a lot of affections for this series about 4 or so episodes before the finale. This is the nail in the coffin.

Now available on DVD.