Flesh, TX

Directed by Guy Crawford. Written by Kathleen Benner and Guy Crawford. Starring Kathleen Benner, Wendy Crawford, Dale Denton, and Sonny Barley.

Cinema M3 - 2009

Half a Star of Review! 1/2

Flesh,TX isn't so much a film as is it some sort of demonstration on what not to do when making a movie. You could devote an entire film course to its almost bizarre ineptitude. What? Plot? Oh that. It's sort of about a family of hill billy cannibals, and a mother who hunts them down to save her daughter, but that's not really what this film is about. It's really about a thing I call the “did ya knows?” For instance:

Did ya know that you shouldn't prop your mic up next to a running air conditioner so that it drowns out the dialogue?

Did ya know that characters shouldn't constantly pop in from the side of the shot like they're in a Bugs Bunny cartoon?

Did ya know that if you're going to use jump cuts you might want to create a background track so that it doesn't always sound like different sets of cars are passing by?

Did ya know that southern tinged dialogue sounds a little weird when your actors aren't bothering to fake southern accents?

Did ya know that when a tire hits the ground it doesn't make the sound of a window shattering in an early 90's DOS game?

Did ya know that if, for what ever reason, you have to dub in half of the films dialogue you should invest in something more than a 15 dollar PC microphone?

Did ya know that the purpose of editing isn't to remove any sense of spacial continuity between the actors and their surroundings?

Guy Crawford didn't know these things, and neither did any one else working on this thunderously stupid picture. Sure it's a micro budget production, but I've seen family reunions shot with more ingenuity than Flesh, TX. This isn't the type of film you watch with your buddies while getting sauced hoping for a good laugh. This is the type of movie that you stare at with a confused expression while mouthing curse words.

Is it the worse movie I've ever seen? Probably not. I've seen a lot of movies good and bad, but that honor might go Zombies Anonymous. At least Flesh, TX didn't demand I take it's awesomely stupid premise seriously. Still, it will remain stamped in my mind as a water mark for terrible film making. Oh, and there's essentially no gore so if you're into that sort of thing you're out luck.

Available to watch for Netflix subscribers.